dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
