guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
