after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
