I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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