Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
