somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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