Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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