So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
