bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
