the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
