I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
