The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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