Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
