So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
