i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this just has baby written all over it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
