If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
