Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
