You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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