So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
