I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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