Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
