grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
