ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
