I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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