i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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