Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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