we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
