They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
