Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize