Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
