and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
