went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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