So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
