You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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