he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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