Soap is not a condiment
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
