I feel great
I just peed on a car
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
pray to the hookup gods
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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