i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
