I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
