Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
