Whod you bang
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
