Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize