i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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