sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
