Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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