Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
