So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Holy sore nipples Batman
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
