we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
