Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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