Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize