I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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