Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize