his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
