I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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