According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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