the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
