STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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