i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
