I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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