is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
