He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
