remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize