Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
