Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize