Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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