I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
